Silence of the world surrounds
Beating pulsing like a heart
Organs falling landing softly
Breaking the silence once and for all
Echoes wringing, pounding headache
Covered ears throughout the earthquake
Head encompassed by a bubble
Screaming outside of the fishbowl
Diving deep beneath the water
Swallowed now and silence flowing
Fills the mind with peace unconscious
Breathed like spores into the senses
Saved by me, at all expenses
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This is stream of conscience, it's not really supposed to make sense, I wrote it in one sitting and haven't touched it since. I wish I knew exactly what it meant but it was just a serious of images that came to me that I tried as best I could to describe.
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Canary word: Present
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Many thanks. I like the idea of shattering, and it's even more of the image I was going for originally. So the meaning of this poem: I'm not a hundred percent sure. I had this series of visions I guess that was just weird (and I swear I wasn't on drugs) one of which was actual hearts (like the one in your chest) raining down and bouncing off the sidewalk, along with this dull rubbery thump they made. Another was someone trapped in a fish bowl. I linked them together with a stream of consciousness that I feel connected them in my mind. In a way, I'm the only one who can ever know what this is about and for that I'm sorry.
Peace unconscious is once again another image I had, it's like you can't help but be peaceful when you have no senses, can't move, like being in a coma.
I'm looking through this one again I think, but I might decide not to change it. Thanks.
-Tangerine
I think you need a comma in there or something, definitely between "beating, pulsing". These first two lines leave me confused. I think that having "the" before silence on the first world would work better. It would make give some sort of direction to what you were saying.
Doesn't quite fit in your poem, seems quite out of place. May I suggest "shattering" instead of "breaking"?
Does the person become unconcious here, or what? It doesn't quite make sense.
Spores into the senses is a nice choice of words.
The poem comes across as very vague - I'm not sure at all what the meaning of the poem is, a title would help a lot.